It is important to track the patient's subtle shifts in focus as he moves from one of these feelings to another. A man may easily confuse shame about victimization with shame about same-sex behavior, or shame about homosexual wishes, or even shame about feeling sexual desire. As such themes emerge in treatment, both therapist and patient may be unclear about which is the crucial thread at any given moment. These are all complex, interrelated subjects for a male victim of childhood sexual abuse. In turn, they both interact with a man's understanding of his own sexual orientation and any ambivalence he feels about himself as an erotic, sexual being. Confusion of same-sex abuse with homosexuality or a gay identity gets further complicated when considered in the context of masculine gender ideals. Yet victims are frequently headed for predominantly heterosexual orientations at the time they are sexually abused, and continue on that path, albeit with negative aftereffects and, as discussed below, virtually all male abusers consider themselves to be heterosexual. Same-sex abuse is often interpreted as a sign of the victim's or the abuser's homosexuality. Same-Sex Abuse, Masculine Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation In this article, I will focus on the meaning and aftereffects of same-sex molestation for boys, whether they are headed for predominantly heterosexual or predominantly homosexual orientations.
These include how to define sexually abusive situations for boys sexually abused men's social isolation and shame the effects of masculine gender socialization on processing boyhood sexual abuse the likelihood that sexual abuse of boys by women will be encoded as "sexual initiation" the impact of boyhood sexual abuse on adult sexual and other intimate relationships the benefits for sexually abused men of same-sex analytic group therapy and the intense transference/countertransference interplay in the treatment of these men. I have elsewhere (Gartner, 1999 see also Gartner, 1994, 1996a, 1996b, 1997a, and 1997b) addressed a number of issues related to the sexual abuse of boys and its aftermath as boys become men. This results in a shattering of the natural trust a boy has in the adults who care for him. Often abusers are parents or other adults who violated positions of power and trust. 1860) approximately one in six boys experiences direct sexual contact with an adult or older child by age sixteen (Urquiza and Keating, 1990 Lisak, Hopper, and Song, 1996). But, as Holmes and Slap (1998) conclude, "the sexual abuse of boys is common, underreported, underrecognized, and undertreated" (p.
While most writers acknowledge that boys are also subject to sexual abuse, the focus on women has misleadingly implied that the occurrence of sexual abuse among boys is rare. In the outpouring of books and papers on childhood sexual abuse that have appeared since 1980, the emphasis has primarily been on sexually abused girls and their reactions to the abuse as women. Both straight and gay boys may consider that the abuse is a sign that they are unmanly and weak. In addition, gay boys may fear that their orientation derives from their sexual abuse history.
Gay boys may see it as a sexual initiation rather than an abusive exploitation straight boys may understand it as a sign that they are "really" gay. This confuses how a boy processes his victimization, whether he was previously headed for a homosexual or heterosexual orientation. Confusing same-sex victimization with homosexual orientation, many abused boys, and people they talk to about it, understand it as a sign of the victim's or the abuser's homosexuality.
This paper appeared in the Journal of Gay and Lesbian Psychotherapy (1999), 3:1-33.Ībstract: Sexual abuse of boys by men and older boys has been misunderstood in the professional and lay literatures. About Richard Gartner Practice Media Interviews Appearances Books Articles Links Contact Sexual Victimization of Boys by Men: Meanings and Consequences*